And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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