I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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