On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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