Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize