i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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