she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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