I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She needs sedatives and a leash
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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