and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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