I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
