The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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