you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
