he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
