omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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