i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
