Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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