I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
