another moral hangover. fuck.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
