He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
