So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
