Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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