I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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