So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dick very happy bro
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
