She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
