Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
