My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
