yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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