and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
