im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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