She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
