it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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