Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize