this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
