Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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