found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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