SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
