I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
