fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
