haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
