I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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