had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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