Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
