I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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