So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
