Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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