dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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