omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
