Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
