i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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