I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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