Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
