I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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