I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
