O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
