He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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