I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
