at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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