Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
