I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
