Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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