i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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