the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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