It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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