I think scott just propositioned me for sex
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
