I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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