So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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