it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
