Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
