I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
did i just pee glitter
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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