i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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