please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
