Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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