Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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