Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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